Dancing Mad About Comics: Lord Havok and The Extremists #2

Yes, we’re coming full circle with the mediums here at Dancing Mad… sort of… there’s still plenty to cover like music or tv shows or what have you and those things will be covered but we move to the written form of media today, and if you didn’t know it’s all about comics. Now, I am rather new at being a comic book nerd, as I really didn’t start reading comics until the Nolan Batman films and Linkara’s Atop The Fourth Wall review show. Of course, like everything I have I own far more stuff I like than I hate. In fact you have probably noticed a pattern that I’ve been reviewing things I liked, even Battle Royale I said was enjoyable even after I pointed out the problems with it; they didn’t drag the film down so much to prevent enjoyment. So, I bet you might like to hear my takes on the comic of this review. But before that, let’s do a little back-story.


When I was getting into comics (which I point out again was not to long ago). I discovered 52, the weekly crossover series by DC Comics which primarily dealt with lesser-known superheroes dealing with a world (temporarily) without Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman (thanks in part to Linkara once again). I was intrigued by the colorful, imaginative and smart story telling. The wonderful characters I would never have considered or heard of if not for the series. Booster Gold for example or Ralph Dibny aka the Elongated Man. It was a really good crossover series and really pushed my interest into comics. Now, 52 was a big success for DC and the spin-off and tie-ins were also a huge success. However, the Dan Didio, the main guy at DC had a few problems, lets say with 52, because the series was Writers vs. Editors driven. And the writers were the victors more often than not. Didio didn’t like this and he hated 52 with a passion. So, after 52 wrapped up, another series called Countdown or Countdown to Final Crisis was drawn up. However, unlike 52, Countdown was a critical and commercial failure. Everything about Countdown was garbage and because Countdown decided to change writers and artists in between issues… there was certainly many continuity issues and like 52, which had quite a few tie-in issues Countdown had just as many if not more. One of the countdown tie-ins being the subject of this review. Prepare for many vulgarities and rage as you will find what makes me Dancing Mad about Lord Havok and The Extremists #2




I hate this comic. It is so bad. I feel empathy for the former Deadpool writer Frank Tieri and the artists Liam Sharp (who did character designs for Batman Beyond and was a former artist of the Incredible Hulk) and Rob Hunter (who I lack information of). I really don’t know how these guys who have done some really good and critically acclaimed stuff (atleast Tieri and Sharp have from what I know), how come they were tasked to this unsalvageable and insulting series. I can’t explain it, either they were threatened with death by DC or they didn’t take this seriously at all. I’m leaning towards the latter, because it is a fucking goofy comic. I mean, by now you’ve seen the laughable front cover (which I will note has an embarrassing mistake in the far upper-right corner of having the number of comics in this series being “8” instead of “6”). It’s not very good at first glance, but as you open the cover, it gets worse.

The poor excuse for the story is narrated by the fat bald guy you see there Dr. Mortimer, aka the Extremists known as Gorgon, who is writing all of this in his diary. Mortimer or Gorgon exposits how his experiment went completely wrong and exploded in his face, and not the nice “explosion in the face” that we find in so many pornographic videos, or as Benzaie calls it “Spiderman.” See how it comes back to comics. Process that mental image for a while. After this, we meet Susan (in flashback form no less) Gorgon’s love interest and great Cthulhu what’s wrong with her faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaceeeeeeeeeeeeee?

Alright, after that little bit of artistic nightmare fuel is fresh in our minds, I will talk to about the lack of consistency in this comic’s artwork, Frank Tieri looks like he’s trying his best to tell the origin stories of character in what essentially amounted to a minor appearances here and there in Countdown, and the art of this story is what just completely shatters all hope of this being even a passable comic. I could blame the artists or colorist Dave Baron or the editors or demand to get it released or them not giving a fuck, but I am not sure and in any case if this were drawn better it would still suck. It’s not good, and I will note the failures here, and I have to remind you this is only the second page… Look at Susan here a bit longer, I know it’s a little hard on the eyes but bear with me. You notice her face, right… now let your eyes drift to the most promptly advertised thing on the page, that’s right the tits. Okay, you will notice the cleavage and the shape and colouration of her mammeries and you will notice that in the left-hand corner that her breasts appear to be consistent with each other… where is that with this woman’s face? I mean, from experience I know faces take a considerable amount of time to get right, but drawing curves isn’t exactly a walk in the ballpark. But it’s evident in this comic that drawing the shape of them melons had more effort put into it than her face. Since I have exhausted tit synonyms, one final note before moving on; this is the ONLY page in the comic where in more than 3 panels you can see a characters eyes. Just think about that for a second.

In bold read letters we see “Slovakia. Now.” were our narrator Gorgon is writing what he’s narrating in a diary (he calls it a Journal, but it’s a diary all it needs is a Hello Kitty sticker on it, and then diary). Now to explain, the Extremists are hold up in what looks like the Russian Kremlin in Slovakia, I am no expert of buildings in Eastern Europe, but I think at some time or another the Soviet Union had control over Slovakia so okay I buy… but which Slovakia? The Extremists’ designated universe in the DC Universe is Universe 8 and their home world is Earth-8. Now, it’s rather unclear whether they’re on Earth-1, Earth-8, Earth-69, Earth-FUCKTHISCOMIC or whatever and people not reading Countdown (which is a good idea) picking this comic up (which is NOT a good idea) will not have any clue as to what’s going on. But, through countless internet search’s and stumbling upon the Wikipedia you find out they’re on Earth-8! And nobody cares. Also, reading alone you get to hear the name of the leader of the Meta-Militia: PRESIDENT AMERICOMMANDO! And reading this without a google search or comic book nerd knowledge will make you think “The President of Slovakia is named Americommando… wow.” Also, Americommando was a DC comics superhero originally known as Mr. America. Hope anyone who followed those first issues of the Justice Society knows.

Next page and HOLY MORADIN! Alright, because showing you every damn page of this eye bleeding comic would be too much like torture, I’ll describe it. On this page you see the characters, Gorgon our narrator, Diehard, a Daredevil looking guy, Tracer a hairy bastard and Dreamslayer some flame headed guy. More knowledgeable people in comics will note that each of these character are based off a particular Marvel villain. And looking at this page you notice that the eyes are non-existent. Now, I would call it Youngblood’s disease (as Linkara would call it) but this seems more like some I have christened Countdown’s Syndrome. A crippling disability in cross over events where the main story is so incoherently bad it effects the tie-ins and even the main continuity of DC. This comic is the core example. Anyway the Extremists talk about how they took over Slovakia and Diehard basically exposits how the Dr. Doom knockoff (you’ll find out why I call him this later) Lord Havok is a tool and how he would be the better… fuck I hate this shit in comics. MOVING ON!

After we see Donna Troy’s great sonking tits. FLASHBACKS! Susan and Mortimer experimenting with the Macguffin that turned him into Gorgon and turning next page… WHAT IN THE NAME OF ODIN IS THAT?

Holy fucking shit, it’s Mr. Clean with a big ol’ dwarfish beard. Seeing the narration you notice this guy is the crux a jealous streak by Mortimer/Gorgon. But it’s so fucking goofy seeing this bald fuck just pop out of nowhere with a big fucking smile. And it stays there for the next page as Gorgon keeps narrating oh and look at the subtlety of Susan stroking the guys dwarven fucking axe. This guy, is Wandjina a meta-human and is the looniest looking character I’ve seen in the entirety of this comic. Including the guy who looks like a baby with tentacles on his head. Also, interesting to note but how this is the only page where the word “God” is used. Every other time, they refer to a god, doesn’t matter if it’s Shiva, Thor or Vecna, it’s all called “Deity.” I can completely understand them not being dicks and instead of referring to a specific god they say deity, but, it’s just lazy and when Gorgon says “A God, for deity’s sake” it just makes the sentence stupid. In a completely stupid comic. Ow…

Now we see something that brings a smile to my face. Jason Todd getting his ass kicked.

The Extremists sit around talking about how they kicked the asses of Kyle Rayner, Bob The Monitor, The Jokester, Jason Todd and Donna Troy. Gotta say, nothing to brag about here. And then we see another member of the Extremists, Barracuda whose the covert ops guy and is feeding Lord Havok information from the Meta-Militia group. Gorgon insults him and I wonder if this narration in being recorded in his journal or has the concept been abandoned, this narration seems to ignore it. Fuck it. We’re getting ahead of ourselves with this piss poor comic. Another flashback you see Mortimer (remember this is Gorgon) holding a book on Greek mythos. He whines in this narration that his “suspicions about her (being his woman) and Wandjina (The fucking Viking) were unwarranted.” Unwarranted? Maybe a little, but if only because the Viking could crush this woman with his dick. Other than that, Mortimer is a bald, fat and uninteresting version of Doctor Octopus. This continues on when Mortimer finds tickets to the Opera and he assumes the Viking Wandjina took her and Mortimer puts on his serious face.

We cut back to the current time to see Barracuda completely gutted like a fish. NO NOW HOW AM I GOING TO INCLUDE HIS IMAGE IN THIS REVIEW? Oh wait, I wasn’t planning to because he’s DEAD. He’s essentially cannon fodder and makes a total of 3 appearances in this comic. We see Jason Todd or atleast a version of Jason Todd from the Multiverse takes the knife out of Barracuda’s chest and says “I hate to waste a good knife, ya know?” Yeah, just like how I hated when Superboy-Prime punched reality and brought your useless ass back. Anyway he’s backed by heroes and villains from the multiverse lead by The Monarch and no, not the Monarch from the Venture Brothers but that would give some validity to the goofiness of this story. Lord Havok and his Extremists look on and Gorgon says that these guys want to change the whole universe before we go back to flashback mode.

Wow, does every comic that features Kyle Rayner always ends up with a female character dead? Ladies and Gentlemen, we have Women in Refrigerators! Pretty picture ain’t it? Is it wrong to laugh at the expression on his face? Mortimer overcome with grief goes all Bruce Banner and hulks the fuck out and…. What in the name of Dagon is up with this fucking picture?

It looks like a damn vagina or as South Park would classify it, a “Galgamek” Vagina. I’m pretty sure the writers and artists by this point dropped acid and just said “fuck it, this is unsaveable, let’s finish it and get the fuck out of here.” Hey, can’t blame them, at least they were having fun… something I am not doing right now.


Back to the future (great platinum dragon, will this fucking flashback-flashforward shit stop?) Lord Havok and the Monarch talk and Monarch gives him the Darth Vader “Join me Luke” thing and then NEXT PAGE, the flashback continues. Gorgon, completely losing his shit attacks what I believe to be the Meta-Militia or just the regular army, because as we all know from Dai Kaiju films. THE ARMY IS COMPLETELY USELESS AGAINST GIANT MONSTERS! After Gorgon finishes collecting the bodies into a neat pile and is informed that “Wandjina is not the one” he seeks. And as we turn the page we see the funniest dialogue and image in the comic. Prepare.

I can’t help it. Wandjina is secretly gay is just so stupid it’s funny. And looking at Gorgon’s face when he finds out he kills his wife looks more like a face he would make aftedr just finding out the fucking Viking with the Dwarven axe is gay. It’s such an awkward expression it completes the humour. Wandjina is secretly gay. Wow. Anyway, moving down, we see fucking DR. DOOM who is actually LORD HAVOK christen Mortimer as Gorgon completing the flashback/origin portion of the comic.

After thinking about the offer, Lord Havok refuses the Monarch’s offer to join the empire and tells him to go fuck himself as the comic concludes with Lord Havok stabbing the Monarch, complete with sound effects.

Okay, I will say this now. If you have this comic in your collection I say keep it around. Why? Because you’re going to need it one day when you run out of toilet paper and even then I’d advise wiping your ass with something else because I’m pretty sure this isn’t even good enough to wipe your ass with. It’s shit. Weapon grade level shit. Countdown was a blight and it’s spin-offs and tie-ins suck equally as much. Alright, I’m done, fuck this comic and I want to say I am happy that Tieri and Sharp have gone on to do better things, because I’m pretty sure they wanna forget this comic and by extension this series.


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